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Anger Management
I Am a Jewish Psychotherapist, The Forty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![I Am a Jewish Psychotherapist, The Forty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal I Am a Jewish Psychotherapist, The Forty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8494_w140_h140/IMG_8494_10151234.jpg)
Do I speak of the unspeakable? This past week marks a tragic low in inhumane acts. I cannot get my head around it. As a Jewish psychotherapist I am in a similar position as I was when we faced the pandemic. I am going through something that I am also hearing from my clients. The sadness, along with so many other emotions, have been omnipresent this past week.
What is Self-Care? The Fortieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![What is Self-Care? The Fortieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal What is Self-Care? The Fortieth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8410_w140_h140/IMG_8410_10070836.jpg)
When I was growing up in suburban New Jersey I didn’t know anything about self-care. The first experience I had that felt like self-care was when my mom treated me to a facial at Strawbridge and Clothier. They were having a special promotion. Although I couldn’t control my weigh, we could try to tackle my acne this one time.
Saying Nothing, The Thirty-Ninth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Saying Nothing, The Thirty-Ninth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Saying Nothing, The Thirty-Ninth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8383_w140_h140/IMG_8383_10010414.jpg)
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That was a common idiom of our mother’s lexicon. She lived true to that statement. Even when she attempted to comment on something she disapproved of, she did her best to soften it. As a teen, I often was asked the question, “Janet, do you think that’s the most complementary outfit?“ Or it could have been make-up, pants, hair style or any other appearance-related observation. As a sensitive teen I was crushed no matter how much she tried to say it diplomatically.
Hygge, The Thirty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Hygge, The Thirty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Hygge, The Thirty-Eighth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8306_w140_h140/IMG_8306_09241246.jpg)
Hurt by Half, The Thirty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Hurt by Half, The Thirty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Hurt by Half, The Thirty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8076_w140_h140/IMG_8076_09090738.jpg)
I was ten years old. The person who I had considered my best friend was in the Stafford School auditorium with her class, and I was with my class for a school-wide assembly. Assemblies felt important. Usually the principal spoke. He was a tall, somber man who communicated in hushed tones lending an atmosphere of solemnity to childhood gatherings.
Behind the Facade, The Thirty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Behind the Facade, The Thirty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Behind the Facade, The Thirty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7907_w140_h140/IMG_7907_08200332.jpg)
Growing up my mother and her mother were sticklers for good manners. I made a point of saying please and thank you. I was afraid they would view me as rude, and I didn’t want that moniker. My grandmother would point out other children who might have been louder than us, or publicly whiny, and she’d use those children as cautionary tails of behavior we were to stringently avoid.
Mundane Day, The Thirty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Mundane Day, The Thirty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Mundane Day, The Thirty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_6952(1)_w140_h140/IMG_6952(1)_08060229.jpg)
What am I doing this weekend? Nothing special and everything essential. In an Instagram world of glamourous posts, my weekend is the antithesis of awesome. I started early to ensure I could easily access the washing machines needed for the weekly laundry. Luckily for me, it was a ghost town before 7 am, and I peacefully and quietly secured my machines and loaded them from the full hampers.
Ai Instillation, The Twenty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Ai Instillation, The Twenty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Ai Instillation, The Twenty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7671_w140_h140/IMG_7671_07160911.jpg)
I was tired, it was hot, and I was happy to be at MOMA, the Museum of Modern Art, on West 53rd Street. The galleries were crowded, but I took my time enjoying new exhibitions and old favorites. After the slow perusal of four floors, I was spent. But I still had almost an hour before our dinner reservation down the block.
Bickering, The Twenty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Bickering, The Twenty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Bickering, The Twenty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7636_w140_h140/IMG_7636_07080309.jpg)
My son told me last weekend that he hoped he won’t have disagreements in his relationships like I have with my husband when he’s older. It was interesting to hear, and as far as I understand he believes that with the amount of therapy, mindfulness practice, as well as the fact that I am a psychotherapist, I should be further along in my personal development, especially when it comes to my marriage. There was a time I would have agreed. I would have seen my defensiveness when my feelings are hurt, and that my feelings get hurt at all, as a fault in my character.
Fathers Day, The Twenty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Fathers Day, The Twenty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Fathers Day, The Twenty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7401_w140_h140/IMG_7401_06181035.jpg)
Happy Father’s Day. When I say that it conjures up so much for me and for so many others, I expect you included. Many of us have had varied relationships with our fathers nothing like Father Knows Best, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, Blackish, or even Home Improvement. If only we could tune in for 30 minutes a week and enjoy the comical moments that focus on the highlights of the best parts of them, with a little silly thrown in.
Goodbye Grumpiness, The Twenty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Goodbye Grumpiness, The Twenty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Goodbye Grumpiness, The Twenty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7202_w140_h140/IMG_7202_06030900.jpg)
I noticed that by the end of my work week I was short on compassion. My go to was frustration, impatience, or barely disguised anger. It was simple things. I was missing paperwork that had been promised me. A pair of reading glasses broke. And then there were a string of simple annoyances.
Mother's Day Ambivalence, The Nineteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
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I, like many, have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day.
As a daughter I knew that I loved my mom, and I also yearned for her acceptance, spending far too much of my babysitting money to bask in the momentary approval of an expensive Mother’s Day gift. I’d set up Arlene’s Kitchen, honoring our mom. It was a made-up restaurant in our home with hand-written menus for the family. Nervous about what I might cook, I’d prep all the possibilities from eggs, any type of French toast or bagels & lox. As down home as those brunches were, they were followed by the certainty that my clean-up techniques would be met with inevitable disapproval. No one could make a countertop shine like my mom.
A Full Moon, The Eighteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![A Full Moon, The Eighteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal A Full Moon, The Eighteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_7008_w140_h140/IMG_7008_05070509.jpg)
It was a full moon this week. I love looking up on a clear night and viewing the magical, mystical moon between the high rises. Ever since I was a child I’ve found the moon an enchantress. Myths have their place, and for many years I counted on myths to justify my outsized love of a full moon. In times of feeling invisible I felt seen by the moon.
Our Relationship With the Weather, The Seventeenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Our Relationship With the Weather, The Seventeenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Our Relationship With the Weather, The Seventeenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_6756_w140_h140/IMG_6756_04300726.jpg)
Growing up we wore rubbers or rubber boots, gently stretching them until they covered our shoes. It was a hassle taking them on and off. But to keep our leather saddle shoes somewhat dry, we sported rubbers over our two-toned oxfords. These days my low rubber boots are the only shoes I need when it’s wet outside. They keep the water from soaking my socks and allow me to walk about in the rain.
Let's Do Better, The Fifteenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Let's Do Better, The Fifteenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Let's Do Better, The Fifteenth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_6600_w140_h140/IMG_6600_04150856.jpg)
I came home late last night after seeing a beautifully moving theater piece by Suzan-Lori Parks. Retrieving our mail, I saw a broken glass and a brick on the lobby carpet. Apparently, a group of teens were told to leave the area while smoking. So one of them in anger threw a brick through the window to show ‘them.” It created more work for the porter and super who had to clean up and repair on their weekend off, when they were nowhere near the incident.
Tattle Tales, The Fourteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
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I grew up with three siblings. If you grew up with siblings, as I did, you are familiar with the age-old enterprise of tattling. My younger sister, Susan, now Chova Sara, was the tattletale. She was the one that thought it important to report to my parents, usually our mom, whatever misadventures we were enacting. When I was six to her four, she ran to our mom to say I wasn’t letting her play with my Barbies. This was true, but only because she cut their hair and drew on them with crayons. Nonetheless, I had to release more dolls to her based on “fairness.” This made no sense to me, but she got what she wanted, and it spurred her on for years.
Dashed Plans, The Thirteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Dashed Plans, The Thirteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Dashed Plans, The Thirteenth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_6601_w140_h140/IMG_6601_04020343.jpg)
I am a planner. Though I am open to spontaneous experiences, I usually rely on my calendar to settle into the day. In recent months I have had to change plans a good number of times. Often, I’ve enjoyed folding the new into what I had expected. But this last week too many plans changed, and my equilibrium is off. My sense of self along with my comfort levels are being tested.
Fails, The Twelfth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Fails, The Twelfth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Fails, The Twelfth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_5700_w140_h140/IMG_5700_03251030.jpg)
I just heard that The Museum of Failure in Brooklyn opened last week (https://museumoffailure.com). It’s primarily a collection of product fails through the last 5 decades or so. I’m happy to be celebrating failure. Their slogan is “Innovation Needs Failure!” I’m not so sure I can say I’ve been innovative, unless one considers resourcefulness as an innovation, but I can say with absolute certainty that I, too, have a history of failures.
Unexpected Kindness, The Eleventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Unexpected Kindness, The Eleventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Unexpected Kindness, The Eleventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_6466_w140_h140/IMG_6466_03180850.jpg)
I left my passport at the hotel two and half miles from Reykjavik. I was leaving for JFK the next day. We had had a magnificent trip, and my passport was in the safe where I left it along with U.S. dollars I wasn’t going to spend in Iceland. Our driver, an adventure tour guide in his own right, was going to drop off some guests and pick up passengers to bring back to the capitol city the next morning. He would be happy to bring back my passport and drive us to the airport. The magnificent experience continued.
I Quit! The Sixth Week of the Second Year of the New Abnormal
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I was walking downtown listening to a light novel, a quasi-romcom. It had started off well and then it took a nose-dive from there. About halfway to my destination I turned it off. I simply wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I had wanted a break from heavier subjects or professional readings. This was not the break I needed.