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It's A Lot of Work to Find Ease, Week Forty-Three in the No Longer new Abnormal
In the USA we have a national and local election coming up and the stress related to that is palpable in most communities. There is division and animosity. Strong feelings are being played out in arguments, and in non-political spaces. Road rage, short tempers and dismissiveness abound. To offset that we have to make intentional choices. Can we find lightness in all of this infuriation? I’m working on it. But it’s not easy. Meditation works. It’s not an instant fix, but the more I spend time focusing on the present the more I can stay in all the other present moments, and not get caught up in election anxiety. Patience helps. If I can understand that my expectation that things should go a certain way are in conflict with the reality at hand, I can calm myself down.
I Made it to Ireland, Week Thirty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal
An Anniversary, Week Twenty-Seven in the No Longer New Abnormal
It’s something of an irony that my and my husband’s 27th wedding anniversary is on the 27th week of this year. I like coincidences like that. When the stars align, I feel good all over. Twenty-Seven years is probably the longest commitment to anything I’ve done in my life. I like variety, so in the past I could do something for a while and then I’d move on. I took a very different tactic for our marriage. While Larry is someone who likes routines and enjoys what he knows, I like to try new things, preferring to being adventurous rather than staying in place. Though we were a bit older than our contemporaries when we got married, I was 38 to Larry’s 45, we had a lot to learn about relationships, particularly long-term relationships.
Old Lady TikTok, Week Twenty-Four in the No Longer New Abnormal
Publishing Week, Week Twenty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal
This Tuesday I become a published author with In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future. To that end I am doing everything I know to do to promote this book, working to get it into stores, sites and libraries and into readers’ hands. It is a daunting task. I am overwhelmed, yet very excited.
Holiday Weekend in Los Angeles
Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal
This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past. I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses. Life is precious.
This is Not about Daylight Savings Time, Week Eleven of the No Longer New Abnormal
We can be shiny and perfect and admired, or we can be real and honest and vulnerable and loved. But we actually do have to choose. --Glennon Doyle Melton
I listen to Glennon’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.” On one of her podcasts she said that she used to worry that no one was listening to her. Her audiences were small, her readership small. But then she started seeing and hearing the few who were listening. She realized that each person was important, not the number itself. It was so meaningful to hear that. I have taken it to heart.
Not Boring, Week Ten in the No Longer New Abnormal
As a psychotherapist I’ve noticed that so many people in and out of my office will say, “I know this is boring, but…” Traditionally therapists don’t respond, we only listen. I’m more interactive, so I respond to the statement that they think what they have to say is boring. I’m curious. I don’t find what they tell me boring. But I want to know how they see it themselves. The subject matter is secondary to their perceptions and experiences of living their lives. I am fascinated by that. Luckily my profession affords me to privilege of hearing their insights and opinions regarding their lives.
A Trip to the Garden, Week Eight in the No Longer New Abnormal
There’s nothing like a flower show in the middle of a cold winter to warm our souls. That was my thinking as I embarked on the member preview of the Orchid Show at the New York Botanical Garden in the Bronx. My plan was to get there early so I could get in and out and home for work. I walked in the chilly weather to the subway where I got on the number 5 subway to Bedford Avenue. However, it was the number 4 train that I needed, so I had to reroute, getting off at the Grand Concourse and then settling in for a 45-minute ride to the Garden via the Bx 19 bus. This was an hour detour in total, getting me to the Garden with the throngs of people who also wanted to enjoy the tropical flowers.
I Like Quotes, Week One of The No-Longer-New-Abnormal
“Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently.” Michelle Obama
I love quotes. When I first started my psychotherapy private practice in the mid-90s before there were iPhones and Facebook, I had an answering machine, and the recording included quotes on there. I changed them monthly or so, and it felt nice. But I was a new therapist and I wanted to do things right. It felt right to me. Nonetheless, I was told by a senior therapist, one who I respected, that I might want to rethink having something so personal on my outgoing message. The common practice was to be as neutral as possible. Her thinking was that a chosen quote could possibly be sharing unnecessary private information about me or, it might be misconceived.
Encouraging Compassion, The Fifty-Second Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
Finding Peace, The Fifty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
This week I’m sharing some past sunsets. Seeing sunrises and sunsets makes me smile. Sunsets remind me that nothing is permanent. And sunrises are an apt metaphor that we always have a chance at a new beginning. Both sentiments give me some peace. And we could all use peace.
Forgiveness, The Fiftieth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
As the year approaches its end, forgiveness is on my mind. I find that forgiveness is a process, though I used to imagine it was a one and done affair. I earnestly believed that I could forgive someone and then I’d be okay with them. I found that not to be the case. It was easier to forgive if the person made changes. Meaning they either stopped the offending behavior, or they started acting in a way they had avoided prior.
The Arts, The Forty-Ninth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
I’m watching Barbra Streisand on PBS in her Back to Brooklyn concert. The first time I heard her voice was in 1968 when the movie Funny Girl came out. I was enthralled, though I wouldn’t have known that word as an eight-year-old. Since then I’ve been a fan, attending her movies, and watching her tv specials. I only had the opportunity to see her in-person once when she came back to Brooklyn in 2016. It was magical.
Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
Napping was my top priority this past week. They were usually twenty to thirty minutes max. They made a tremendous difference in my mood. I was able to get through the week with a greater capacity for patience. I had more room for the things that usually get under my skin, like loud car horns in grid lock, or the annoying overspill from packages protected with shredded paper or other messy stuffing.
Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
Autumn colors fire up Central Park. I had the good fortune of walking through the park on several occasions this past week. I was reminded that this season represents the last of the foliage as the trees and plants prepare for the winter. Following winter comes a renewal as Spring brings greenery and flowers to enjoy. Just seeing the colorful trees brought hope.
Daylight Savings Time, The Forty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
I voted early yesterday. I like my councilwoman and I wanted to keep her in office. What I don’t get to vote for is the abolishment of daylight savings time. We turned the clocks back last night, and ostensibly we got an extra hour of sleep. Then in April we “spring” ahead losing that hour. I say, no thank you.
Those Who Inspire Us, The Forty-Second Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
’ve been watching Dear… on Apple TV. I found it by accident. While looking for another program a small square with Selena Gomez’s image caught my eye. I clicked on her framed face and came upon Dear… I watched the 30-minute segment and was immediately hooked. The series features individuals in the public eye, some athletes, actors, writers, or activists, as they engage with letters of those who have been inspired by them The featured famous person’s influence has helped to change the letter writers’ lives.
Saying Nothing, The Thirty-Ninth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” That was a common idiom of our mother’s lexicon. She lived true to that statement. Even when she attempted to comment on something she disapproved of, she did her best to soften it. As a teen, I often was asked the question, “Janet, do you think that’s the most complementary outfit?“ Or it could have been make-up, pants, hair style or any other appearance-related observation. As a sensitive teen I was crushed no matter how much she tried to say it diplomatically.