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Helplessness
Facing Obstacles, Week Thirty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Facing Obstacles, Week Thirty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal Facing Obstacles, Week Thirty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9465_w140_h140/IMG_9465_04070359.jpg)
This morning things did not go as planned. I could not find my luggage scale for a vacation organized for next week. It wasn’t in the usual places, so I did a deeper dive with no luck. Next, I attempted to send emails, and had to restart my computer. I wasn’t able to find my to-do list I wrote in the wee hours last night so I could check off tasks one at a time. It showed up, but it meant I got a later start. Of course, there are some days like this. I’ll do what I can today and let go of the rest. What I do know is that I plan to see women’s gymnastics trials on TV tonight. I’m looking forward to it.
Angry Moments, Week Thirty in the New Abnormal
![Angry Moments, Week Thirty in the New Abnormal Angry Moments, Week Thirty in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9089_w140_h140/IMG_9089_02040423.jpg)
It’s a beautiful morning today. There is a light breeze, the sun is out but not scorching, and the sky is clear. The temperature dropped so it feels simply delightful. I left my apartment before 7:30 am so that I could get in a destination walk to and from Trader Joe’s to pick up a few groceries for the week. My plan was to be in and out before the Saturday rush. I was walking on the east side of the street, which is less sunny, thus cooler, in the mornings. When I approached 68th Street I was in back of someone else with a cart who had a similar plan at Trader Joe’s. She kept trying to get around a woman with her dog whose leash straddled the entire sidewalk. When I got close enough I said, “Excuse me, we want to pass you and your dog.” She didn’t move. I was less polite in my next attempt. “You’re taking up the whole sidewalk, can you move so we can pass?” “Fuck you” she said as she barely made room for us. As I made my way around her dog, I said “You don’t have to take the entire sidewalk.” My tone sounded as annoyed as I felt. Even though I had been happy to be out and about on a glorious day, I quickly turned into a grouch. Again, she repeated, “Fuck You!” This time louder so there would be no mistaking her ire. I didn’t look back, and I’m not proud to say that I then gave her the finger with my back to her. Only in retrospect could I think clearly and realize she’s not having a good morning. Did I need to add to that?
The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal
![The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal The Half-Way Mark, Week Twenty-Six in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_0192_w140_h140/IMG_0192_06221053.jpg)
We are officially halfway through 2024. It’s a great time to reevaluate then manage any expectations we’ve had for this year. This is the year I’ve had my first, and perhaps my last, book published. It feels good to have accomplished that. I am now in the weeds attempting to promote the book while working full-time. Promotions do not come naturally for me so it feels like I’m rolling a big bolder uphill uncertain if like Icarus is will roll down again. But I’m challenging myself to do what I can and then challenging myself yet again let go of the results. When I measure my self-worth by the results I produce I may experience a fleeting high, but in the end I try my best to be proud of going beyond my limits no matter how things turn out.
Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal Broken Phone, Week Twenty-Five in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_0120_w140_h140/IMG_0120_06160127.jpg)
I was surprised today when I dropped my iPhone and the case cracked that it didn’t create a tailspin in which I cracked a bit, too. Instead, I was thankful that I gave myself a day with a flexible schedule allowing me to take Lucy and me to the Apple store to have my phone repaired. I even sat patiently waiting for my turn as Lucy demanded treats since it wasn’t her idea to leave our neighborhood. Luckily I unknowingly stocked enough treats for the day.
Publishing Week, Week Twenty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Publishing Week, Week Twenty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal Publishing Week, Week Twenty-Three in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_0061_w140_h140/IMG_0061_06010405.jpg)
This Tuesday I become a published author with In the Time of Coronavirus, Reflecting on the Past to Embrace a Joyful Future. To that end I am doing everything I know to do to promote this book, working to get it into stores, sites and libraries and into readers’ hands. It is a daunting task. I am overwhelmed, yet very excited.
My First Reading, Week Twenty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal
![My First Reading, Week Twenty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal My First Reading, Week Twenty-One in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9719_w140_h140/IMG_9719_05190124.jpg)
I was nervous. I had agreed to participate in a Zoom panel which included reading from my pre-published book, In the Time of Coronavirus. but it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to a group. As I was practicing, reading the blog post a few times, I noticed my voice sounded like it was stuck in my throat. I did not think that was a good thing.
Letting Go, Week Eighteen in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Letting Go, Week Eighteen in the No Longer New Abnormal Letting Go, Week Eighteen in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9696_w140_h140/IMG_9696_04270927.jpg)
When I was younger and I upset someone, I would replay the incident over and over again. I found it intolerable that someone would be upset or angry with me. It felt devastating. I would apologize again and again, becoming a nuisance. Sometimes people would be more upset with my groveling than they were with the original upset. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It felt like anything I did that hurt others was unforgivable. There was no fun to be had.
Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal Take Care, Week Twelve in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9311_w140_h140/IMG_9311_03170618.jpg)
This past week I heard of the death of two people from my past. I heard from three people presently who are ill, and we are all hearing about too many in our world who are in pain, who are suffering, or who have experienced significant losses. Life is precious.
This is Not about Daylight Savings Time, Week Eleven of the No Longer New Abnormal
![This is Not about Daylight Savings Time, Week Eleven of the No Longer New Abnormal This is Not about Daylight Savings Time, Week Eleven of the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9141_w140_h140/IMG_9141_03100357.jpg)
We can be shiny and perfect and admired, or we can be real and honest and vulnerable and loved. But we actually do have to choose. --Glennon Doyle Melton
I listen to Glennon’s podcast, “We Can Do Hard Things.” On one of her podcasts she said that she used to worry that no one was listening to her. Her audiences were small, her readership small. But then she started seeing and hearing the few who were listening. She realized that each person was important, not the number itself. It was so meaningful to hear that. I have taken it to heart.
Not Boring, Week Ten in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Not Boring, Week Ten in the No Longer New Abnormal Not Boring, Week Ten in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9239_w140_h140/IMG_9239_03030417.jpg)
As a psychotherapist I’ve noticed that so many people in and out of my office will say, “I know this is boring, but…” Traditionally therapists don’t respond, we only listen. I’m more interactive, so I respond to the statement that they think what they have to say is boring. I’m curious. I don’t find what they tell me boring. But I want to know how they see it themselves. The subject matter is secondary to their perceptions and experiences of living their lives. I am fascinated by that. Luckily my profession affords me to privilege of hearing their insights and opinions regarding their lives.
Procrastinate, Week Four in the No Longer New Abnormal
![Procrastinate, Week Four in the No Longer New Abnormal Procrastinate, Week Four in the No Longer New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_0845_w140_h140/IMG_0845_05090304.jpg)
“Procrastinate now, don't put it off.”
â Ellen DeGeneres
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I spent yesterday procrastinating. I cooked, I baked, I looked things up online. What I didn’t do was tally my expenses for budgeting and taxes. I am not fond of bookkeeping. Nonetheless, I was able to sit down and focus after I did everything I could to avoid the inevitable. It wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. Nor was it as fun as taking the day off.
I Like Quotes, Week One of The No-Longer-New-Abnormal
![I Like Quotes, Week One of The No-Longer-New-Abnormal I Like Quotes, Week One of The No-Longer-New-Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_9022_w140_h140/IMG_9022_01070328.jpg)
“Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently.” Michelle Obama
I love quotes. When I first started my psychotherapy private practice in the mid-90s before there were iPhones and Facebook, I had an answering machine, and the recording included quotes on there. I changed them monthly or so, and it felt nice. But I was a new therapist and I wanted to do things right. It felt right to me. Nonetheless, I was told by a senior therapist, one who I respected, that I might want to rethink having something so personal on my outgoing message. The common practice was to be as neutral as possible. Her thinking was that a chosen quote could possibly be sharing unnecessary private information about me or, it might be misconceived.
Finding Peace, The Fifty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Finding Peace, The Fifty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Finding Peace, The Fifty-First Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_0991_w140_h140/IMG_0991_05160336.jpg)
This week I’m sharing some past sunsets. Seeing sunrises and sunsets makes me smile. Sunsets remind me that nothing is permanent. And sunrises are an apt metaphor that we always have a chance at a new beginning. Both sentiments give me some peace. And we could all use peace.
Forgiveness, The Fiftieth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Forgiveness, The Fiftieth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Forgiveness, The Fiftieth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8881_w140_h140/IMG_8881_12170214.jpg)
As the year approaches its end, forgiveness is on my mind. I find that forgiveness is a process, though I used to imagine it was a one and done affair. I earnestly believed that I could forgive someone and then I’d be okay with them. I found that not to be the case. It was easier to forgive if the person made changes. Meaning they either stopped the offending behavior, or they started acting in a way they had avoided prior.
Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal
![Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal Ahhh, Naps, The Forty-Eighth Week in the Second Year of the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8829_w140_h140/IMG_8829_12030234.jpg)
Napping was my top priority this past week. They were usually twenty to thirty minutes max. They made a tremendous difference in my mood. I was able to get through the week with a greater capacity for patience. I had more room for the things that usually get under my skin, like loud car horns in grid lock, or the annoying overspill from packages protected with shredded paper or other messy stuffing.
Spilled Coffee, The Forty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Spilled Coffee, The Forty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Spilled Coffee, The Forty-Seventh Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8765_w140_h140/IMG_8765_11260106.jpg)
I spilled my coffee earlier this week. And I then let out a loud string of expletives to vocalize my frustration. I cleaned up the mess and then rushed to work. Not the way I had wanted to start my day. My reaction, though provoked, made it clear that I need some down time. It may not be the vacation that I’ve fantasized, but even an evening in, or a task free afternoon will do at this point.
Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Nature Speaks, The Forty-Sixth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8639%202_w140_h140/IMG_8639%202_11181010.jpg)
Autumn colors fire up Central Park. I had the good fortune of walking through the park on several occasions this past week. I was reminded that this season represents the last of the foliage as the trees and plants prepare for the winter. Following winter comes a renewal as Spring brings greenery and flowers to enjoy. Just seeing the colorful trees brought hope.
Daylight Savings Time, The Forty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Daylight Savings Time, The Forty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Daylight Savings Time, The Forty-Fourth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8640_w140_h140/IMG_8640_11050312.jpg)
I voted early yesterday. I like my councilwoman and I wanted to keep her in office. What I don’t get to vote for is the abolishment of daylight savings time. We turned the clocks back last night, and ostensibly we got an extra hour of sleep. Then in April we “spring” ahead losing that hour. I say, no thank you.
Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8507_w140_h140/IMG_8507_10281050.jpg)
Some weeks are harder than others. Having heard from a number of people this past week was just such a week. I can certainly include myself in that mix. For that reason, I am going to don a virtual mask, making this a quick post, while wishing you all a Happy Halloween. Here are some city pics of the season.
Self-Care Tips:
- Give yourself a break. If things are hard, find ways to let go of the normal routines to provide the energy needed for whatever is essential.
- Dark humor that does not hurt anyone can even help in hard times.
- If you celebrate, enjoy Halloween. If you don’t celebrate, lean into JOMO, the joy of missing out.
Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal
![Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal Happy Halloween, The Forty-Third Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal](images/Life-SizedCourage/cache/images/Life-SizedCourage/proportion/IMG_8507_w140_h140/IMG_8507_10281050.jpg)
Some weeks are harder than others. Having heard from a number of people this past week was just such a week. I can certainly include myself in that mix. For that reason, I am going to don a virtual mask, making this a quick post, while wishing you all a Happy Halloween. Here are some city pics of the season.
Self-Care Tips:
- Give yourself a break. If things are hard, find ways to let go of the normal routines to provide the energy needed for whatever is essential.
- Dark humor that does not hurt anyone can even help in hard times.
- If you celebrate, enjoy Halloween. If you don’t celebrate, lean into JOMO, the joy of missing out.