We have two and half more weeks until we get to 2025.  What a year it’s been.  Most of us struggled to understand and appreciate those who view things differently.  There has been a lot of vilifying.  I’m tired.  I bet you are, too.  Though there was also joy amongst the adversity.  So rather than write more about hardship or any other topic when we need a reprieve from more voices on the subject, I’ll leave you with some fun photos from 2024, with self-care tips at the end.  

It’s easy to hunker down now that the cold weather is here.  And there’s something to be said for hibernation mode.  But this week I was out and about taking in the holiday spirit, which is alive and well in New York City.  I love a good nap when the weather is chilly and the days are short.  And, yet, visiting Rockefeller Center and the holiday window displays later in the evening, when they’re less crowded is a joyful experience that really does bring cheer.  Sometimes we have to be intentional about seeking out positive experiences.  Yes, sometimes they come to us.  But mostly we need to create joy.  

The Museum of the City of New York on 103^rd and Fifth Avenue is an unsung museum.  I love making this destination walk.  Even when I’ve seen all the recent exhibits, the gift shop is terrific.  And, they have a lovely café on the second floor, too.  But the museum, their exhibits and events are really something special.  MCNY, as it is known, is large enough to see something different in each exhibit, but small enough that you could enjoy the entire museum, knowing you’ve taken in art, history and local lore.  

I was reading through my emails when I received a thoughtful text from a very kind person who sent me a picture of my book on the table of the Best Non-Fiction of 2024.  This was at the Barnes & Noble on the Upper Eastside of Manhattan.  How considerate it was to send me that picture.  And, how thrilled I was seeing my book in the photo.  It’s been challenging playing the promotion game, and I am not great at promoting my own interests.  Yes, I think the book would be helpful especially at this time.  I think it’s important to find the self-care tips during hardships whenever and wherever they show up.  And, thinking of what got us through past difficulties allows us to remember that we will get through this, too.  Those were a couple of reasons I wrote In the Time of Coronavirus.   I was so pleased when good reviews started to come in from those I didn’t know.  And, grateful for the couple of reviews from those who do know me, and still liked the book. 

Rather than add to the disquieting mix of this past week’s conversation, I am going to share two quotes that may be helpful now and going forward.  The first one was shared by my sister-in-law, Catherine North.  She has always been a champion for encouraging the best in those around her.  The second quote was shard in response to the first as a continuation of inspiration.  That was shared by a newer friend who I came to know during the pandemic.  Her name is Erin Falk and she lives with joy sharing her adventures as if we were there.  The pictures were taken this past week.  Walking helped me see what I love in and about the city of New York.  

If change is the only constant in life, why do we have such a hard time with it?  When two old friends died this past week I was grateful to have known them. Although my life will not change much since they were no longer regular presences in my current life, their kindness, compassion and humor have stayed with me since we met in the 80’s.  However, their close family and friends now will feel the change in their lives profoundly, as do we all when death comes to those we love.  

In the USA we have a national and local election coming up and the stress related to that is palpable in most communities.  There is division and animosity.  Strong feelings are being played out in arguments, and in non-political spaces.  Road rage, short tempers and dismissiveness abound.  To offset that we have to make intentional choices.  Can we find lightness in all of this infuriation?  I’m working on it.  But it’s not easy.  Meditation works.  It’s not an instant fix, but the more I spend time focusing on the present the more I can stay in all the other present moments, and not get caught up in election anxiety.  Patience helps.  If I can understand that my expectation that things should go a certain way are in conflict with the reality at hand, I can calm myself down.  

I have too much stuff.  I just spent hours going through drawers and closets to clean out what I don’t want anymore and what I don’t need.  Though I’m happy I did that and now I can bring bags to the thrift store, and bags to the trash, I am still left with too much stuff.  Some things like outdated membership cards were easy to throw out.  Vitamins and minerals I rarely take, office supplies I may need at some unknown point in time, and other sundry items make it harder for me to determine their usefulness.  When I was younger and lived alone, the small apartment size made it easy to throw things out.  I simply didn’t have the space.  Though I am so grateful for all the storage space in our present apartment, I find that clutter accumulates in the recesses of those closets.  

Have you ever done something that makes you so happy you can feel the sadness below the surface?  That is exactly what I’m experiencing now.  I went for a run.  The weather is beautiful in New York City.  Perfect for a run.  The sun was tucked under the clouds so that I could see a gleam, but I didn’t have to shade my eyes.  East End Avenue, right by the water, was free of traffic so that I could soften my steps with Asphalt rather than pounding the concrete pavement.  I was happy to get out after too long a break from running.  I didn’t overdo it.  I went as far as I could while respecting my limitations.  All was good.  Yet, while I felt gratitude and joy, I also felt heavy hearted.  There is much in the world that saddens me.  I see no easy fixes.  And, too many are struggling and even suffering due to dehumanizing beliefs, powerful weather forces, war, bullying, and judgement with righteousness.  Need I go on?  

Marilyn Maye is a legend.   Perhaps you haven’t heard of her?  She is a 92-year-old cabaret singer who gives her audiences stylized singing and beautiful arrangements of standards.  I had been meaning to see her for years and it finally happened this past week. A dear friend and I came to see her at 54 Below, the storied cabaret underneath the Studio 54 Theater.  Marilyn’s first album came out in 1965.  She appeared on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson more than any other singer, 76 times.  I could go on, but you can easily look her up.  

We are entering the last quarter of 2024.  I feel like I’m rushing to accomplish what I had intended this year.  Some things take longer than others.  I had hoped I would have been able to promote my book more, but I had so much to learn.  And some of the promotion is not for me.  Given it isn’t what I had imagined, it’s important that I am grateful for what I could do.  I am grateful for all those who supported me and the book.  And, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned thus far, like the fact that I prefer smaller discussions to larger presentations.  And that I don’t enjoy marketing, nor have I ever enjoyed it.  Sharing something freely and needing to sell something are very different.  

During the pandemic I started listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast.  I truly enjoy her honest and funny stories that entertain and invite us to challenge ourselves and grow.  I don’t have a direct quote, but she said at one point that when she started her podcast she spoke to each individual, understanding their importance, even when others were telling her she had to grow her audience.  I come back to that again and again as others in the publishing industry and related fields, give a hundred different ways to grow an audience.  These suggestions and tips require time, sometimes soft selling, and more often than not, money.  What is not mentioned is that bigger may be good for sales of my book, but it is not always better for me.  Helm

It is good to be home.  I was so happy to see clients again, and I look forward to seeing the few I haven’t seen yet in the next weeks.  One of the self-care tips in last week’s post was my suggestion to complain.  And, that’s what I did this week.  I wrote letters to the various companies that provided less than adequate service.  I was not mean or disrespectful, but I did let them know that offering incentives rather than ignoring customers comments can build loyalty.  Delta Airlines was the only corporation who did their best to make up for their shortcomings.  Although they cannot give us back the time we lost or the experiences we weren’t able to enjoy, they contacted me on email and by phone to try to ensure they did what they could to ameliorate the situation .  I really appreciate that.  

Is there anything I can learn from the Rocky Mountains?  They are strong, ever present.  They are high and majestic.  They are stalwart.  We went on a trip to see the Canadian Rockies.  They are simply magnificent. Sadly, our journey was not.  Starting with an eight-hour delay to get to Vancouver, an over two-hour delay on first leg of our trip and a six-hour delay that cut into our time being able to view the Rockies, plus a three-hour delay coming home, our patience and hopes for the trip were continually challenged.  Then Larry got sick, which further cut into the pleasure we were seeking by getting away.  

I was on a walk, and I came across a clergyman in a booth outside his church.  He was there to provide kindness, spiritual support, and to make passersby smile.  I love that he serves the community in this way.  It is reminiscent of Lucy’s Psychiatric Help 5 cent booth.  Growing up I loved watching or reading Peanuts cartoons.  I had a soft spot for Charlie Brown, knowing what it was like to be an underdog, yet fortunate enough to have kind friends like Linus or Peppermint Patty.  

When thinking about what to write this week I went through several topics.  I thought of feeling refreshed from being away, but thought it sounded elitist.  I was thinking about writing on simplifying my life, but at this point it’s an idea rather than something I’m practicing presently.  Then I thought of speaking about how happy I am to work after being away, but it didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.  So I’ve settled on a short piece about making choices.  Some choices, like what to write this week, are low stakes.  Some choices, like how to support a loved one suffering, are harder to assess.  No matter our choices, most of us will second guess ourselves.  We believe there’s a right or perfect option.  Usually that’s not the case.  We choose as best we can given where we are in our lives and the circumstances surrounding the choices. 

This weekend I walked in the steaming heat enjoying Summer Streets while traversing Park Avenue without cars.  I will miss the next two Saturdays, so it was a pleasant reprieve to have more than enough room while walking among pedestrians, runners, and cyclists.  I am going away.  Initially I packed for a hot summer, but according to the lower temperatures in Dublin I was ill prepared.  Following my lovely and tiring walk, I  unpacked and repacked for a ten-day trip to Ireland.  Instead of tank tops and sandals I’m bringing sweaters and socks. 

This morning things did not go as planned.  I could not find my luggage scale for a vacation organized for next week.  It wasn’t in the usual places, so I did a deeper dive with no luck.  Next, I attempted to send emails, and had to restart my computer.  I wasn’t able to find my to-do list I wrote in the wee hours last night so I could check off tasks one at a time.  It showed up, but it meant I got a later start.  Of course, there are some days like this.  I’ll do what I can today and let go of the rest.  What I do know is that I plan to see women’s gymnastics trials on TV tonight.  I’m looking forward to it.