I have a relationship problem.  My relationship with certain circumstances can be very dicey.  When things don’t go as I planned, or something upsets me, I have a hard time accepting it.  I get upset, and in getting upset, I judge myself for not being more accepting.  Then I mull over how I could have prevented it.  I’m self-critical, which in turn, expands my unhappiness.  

It happened this weekend after not getting enough sleep, being in unwanted crowded areas, and certain things not going smoothly.  I found out tonight we’ve been in retrograde.  Maybe that explains it.  But while it was going on, my relationship to these events was anything but open.  I got annoyed.  I tried to think of how I could have avoided the unpleasantness.  It was sticky there for awhile in my relationship to the reality I was in.  

I forgot how temporary things are.  I forgot to pause and reassess.  I took a walk.  When I came back, I wrote a blog post for this weekend.  And then I lost it on my iPad.  I panicked at first.  I looked in every file.  I tried other programs, just in case.  But it was completely lost.  Surprisingly, I was able to get on with my evening plans knowing I’d be writing this late at night.

And, here we are.  It was a magical evening celebrating my 64^th birthday, one year shy of a senior citizen designation.  I don’t mind, it means future discounts.  The bad relationship with reality is on hold.  I’ll continue to work on that relationship.  Maybe I’ll embrace the present rather than fight it a year from now.   I’ll be curious to see how it it goes.  

Self-Care Tips:

• When you’re being hard on yourself because things aren’t going well, see if you can observe the circumstances, and be a witness to your feelings rather than blame yourself.  It takes some practice.  We can practice in tandem, as my work on this is ongoing.
• Check out Rhiannon Giddens.  She’s a amazing human with a fantastic voice that defies one category.  She has a new album, You’re the One.  
• Rub a smooth stone.  Whether it’s a river stone or a tumbled stone in the color of your choice, rubbing a stone when upset, can bring a little relief.